the ONLY diet you should go on

credit {here}

i am not a proponent of diets.  ‘nuff said.  but, with the risk of sounding contradictory, there is one diet that i think every single human on the planet could benefit from.  (drum roll please….)  the ‘diet’ of cutting out negative self-talk. 

listen to how you speak to yourself.  for most of us (for me, it was especially in my teen years), it’s often a steady barrage of negative thoughts and put-downs.  “ugh…you look soooo fat in that. / your hair is a frizzy mess today. / you think you can eat that?  it’s gonna go right to your stomach pooch!”  you women out there, can relate, i’m sure…which is kind of sad…

but that voice is not you – it’s talking “at you”, as if it’s a necessary commentator for your life.  for me, that voice is a mix of unreliable sources, like the media.  from reading magazines and watching tv, we learn that to be loved and adored, we have to be at least 5 foot 7 inches tall, 110 pounds, have gorgeous flowing locks and flawless skin.  i’m only 5 foot 5 – so according to this faulty belief system, i’m already failing!  that sucks!

purge yourself of your negative self-talk.  cut back on it as you would calories or carbs.  no amount of self-criticism will ever make you happier – has it worked yet?  so try something different.  if you see no results, and don’t feel any better, you can always go back to beating yourself up.

when a negative self-judgment pops into your head, notice it.  that’s the first step – just notice.  don’t judge because that’s a self-criticism, too!  (i know, it’s a tricky game to play, but it’s worth it!)  then just let it float away. 

if you’re feeling really bold, bring to mind something you like about yourself.  maybe your big beautiful eyes, your sense of humor, or your slender fingers that can play the piano (sort of).  even if it’s something small, it’s a start.  if you’re having a lot of trouble coming up with something, think back to compliments you’ve received from others – maybe you’re often acknowledged for your kindness, or your great smile, or your easy-going nature.  whatever it is, bring it to mind, and revel in the awesomeness that is you…even if it’s just for a few minutes.

for me, yoga has been key to eliminating my harsh self-talk.  yoga teaches you to accept all of your being - inside & out, mind, body and soul - just as it is now.  without forcing change, you're asked to become an observer of your body and mind, and then, from that place, you work to align the two with breath, movement and awareness.  pushing yourself to "change" with mean words and thoughts, only weakens you - you're pitting your mind against your body.  if you can, instead, work to combine the two, you have twice the power to affect positive change in yourself and your world.

as you crash diet your way out of negative self-talk, you may just notice that you feel a bit lighter in a way that has nothing to do with the number on the scale.

meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:
what are three things you like about your physical body?
what are three things you like about your personality?

give yourself a break!

i don’t feel like doing anything.  the past week or so i’ve been suffering from a major lack of motivation.  my energy is waning, and i feel like i’m pushing myself to just get the bare minimum done, let alone all the other countless things that i could be working on.  my tendency when emotions like this crop up is to “power-through” to the best of my ability.  and when i inevitably crash, i beat myself up for not doing more…

credit {here}

instead of surrendering to and accepting the feeling, i continue to bump up against it and fight it.  pushing it away, only to have it bombard me again moments later.  that, in and of itself, is exhausting.  i must admit, i’m not new to this cycle of events – when i was younger and dissatisfied with the size and shape of my body, i would diet and force my body into a battle against itself.  instead of trying to work with my hunger, i fought it.  and fighting, especially when it’s with yourself, takes you in circles.

my mom says “if you want to keep on gettin’ what your gettin’, keep on doin’ what you’re doin’” – i.e. if i want this lack-of-motivation spell to end, i have to change the way in which i’m dealing with it.  easier said than done…

but let’s give it a go, anyway.  so, with that thought in mind, what could i do differently to change my current reality?  well, instead of pushing myself to my limits, i could honor the fact that i might need a break, and…take a break!  (a novel concept, i know.)  or, instead of continually thinking, “what’s wrong with me?  why don’t i want to do anything?  why do i feel like things are at a standstill?”, i could work to silence that inner critic with a deep breathing and mindfulness.  and perhaps, in the quiet, motivation or a new idea or peace of mind could creep in.  and honestly, just writing this post is making me feel better, so i guess just writing about it – and sharing my feelings with others – is helpful, too.

as a culture, we’ve been taught to fight against unpleasant emotion, because we are a nation of doers not experiencers.  instead of surrendering to the feeling, and letting it wash over us like a wave that will eventually ebb, we prepare for battle, thinking if we set up enough barricades we can stop the wave in its tracks…which never happens.   what if, instead of always doing more we felt more.  and instead of judging our emotions and feelings, we got curious about them and tried to look at them in a more objective way.  perhaps, we would discover that they are not something to be fought, but rather a lesson waiting to be embraced. 

i feel better already….

meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:

what emotion do you continually fight?
what would it be like to just sit with it, without pushing it away?

are you the best version of yourself?

credit {here}

when i take the time to envision my best self, physically i don’t picture myself all that differently.  where the shift takes place is more so in my attitude towards myself and others.  my best self doesn’t obsess over the fact that she ate too much last night or replay the same frustrating moment again…and again…and again in her head.  she doesn’t impatiently follow people too closely in her car, and she doesn’t get annoyed at her husband for petty, insignificant reasons.

she’s self-possessed and calm.  and glows with an unearthly radiance that only comes with the true understanding that our world is what we make it, and nothing more.  her actions are purposeful and clear, and the base of all she does is love and compassion.

when i finish with a visualization like that, i feel refreshed and renewed.  the challenge is to keep that grounded feeling as you continue about your day, even when some jackass guy cuts you off when you’re driving.  notice your knee-jerk reaction.  just notice.  and if you don’t act on it (i.e. beep, curse, flip him the bird or whatever other creative thing you can think of), it will subside.  i promise.  and you can pat yourself on the back for reacting from your ‘best self’ – not the self that has a tendency to grit her teeth and mumble an obscenity under her breath.

deep down, we all long to be free from these baser instincts – that inner mean girl that tells you you’re fat or unattractive, the harsh critic who scoffs at your self-improvement attempts, the nasty lady who snaps at her husband.  that mean girl is not you.  and she is the only ‘person’ who truly deserves your fierceness.  so, next time the snotty lady stops by, tell her to take a hike.  then take a deep breath, and revel in your instantaneous (if momentary) transformation into the best version of yourself.
 
meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:
what does your best self look like?  act like?

stop apologizing for being you

trying to “fit in” is exhausting.  yet, at different moments throughout my life, i can recall that “fitting in” was the only thing that i cared about.  in fifth grade, it was “fitting in” with the popular girls, and in high school, my tennis team, and even just recently, i found myself longing to be defined wholly by my yoga practice - instead of letting my practice be an extension of who i am.

credit {here}

as an individual who tends to gravitate towards the “black” and “white” of things, in my mind, if i wanted to be a true yogi, i needed to become a vegan, pierce my nose, drink wheatgrass and eliminate my carbon footprint.  but all those external factors (that i felt i should impose upon myself in order to become a “real” yoga practitioner) have nothing to do with my authentic self.  they’re not me.  they’re not cailen. 

my nose isn’t pierced (yet, haha), and i like drinking cosmos at happy hour.  i can’t do all yoga poses perfectly (far from it), and i don’t know all their sanskrit names.  i’m not always calm or ego-free, though i’m working on it.  i really, really am.  meditation kicks my butt, and i can be totally impatient, and that bothers me.  i’m hard on myself sometimes and still struggle with my self-image sometimes.  but, overall, i’m getting better at accepting me…all of me…perceived flaws and all.

i like yoga and vodka.  does that make me less of a yogi?  i don’t think so.  yoga is the unity of all of who you are – body, mind and soul.  and it takes real guts to stand in all of who you are. 

i’ve come to realize that fitting in is kind of boring.  it’s expected and encourages you to define your life from the outside-in.  when you try to fit in, you live your life according to what you think you should do, wear, eat or say, instead of moving outward from your inner wisdom.  fitting-in is a life disconnected.

so, come back to yourself, and see the beauty that was always there.  no apologies.

yoga video: make your practice all about you!

let go of labels

credit {here}

i am lazy…or at least i tell myself i am.  a lot.  why?  because somewhere between the ages of 5 and 15, having a penchant for hanging out instead of helping out, i developed this belief.  and, as with anything we believe to be true, the label stuck.  and now, at 26, i still feel like i’m “being lazy” if i don’t bust my butt 24/7.

despite the fact that i have a full-time writing job, teach yoga 3-4 times a week, write and manage my blog, attend yogadharma training 2 weekends per month and go to buddhism class once a week, i still call myself lazy.  after re-reading that list with objective eyes, it seems that more than anything, my schedule is a little crazy right now.  go figure…

so why do i still have that inner dialogue that says “you’re lazy for not doing the laundry today” or “typical cailen – didn’t devote enough time to her blog today”?  because the label of laziness has been part of my identity for so long.  for better or worse, it became part of who i am and how i perceive myself.  and, as you can see from the discrepancy between the label and my current reality, how we label ourselves is rarely an accurate reflection of who we truly are.

so, how are you labeling yourself?  ugly, fat, unlovable, stupid, bitchy, weak, lazy?  these labels cripple us and our potential. 

need an example?  i want to be an entrepreneur and ultimately work for myself.  all successful entrepreneurs are super hard-working.  i am lazy.  therefore, i will never be a successful entrepreneur.  

see how my label totally crapped on my dream?!  it took the wind right out of my sails and sapped my energy –and consequently makes me feel like acting lazy, thus perpetuating the vicious cycle!

but, since these labels are self-generated, they can also be self-destroyed.  the next time you hear one of your typical labels pop into your mind, call yourself out!  and notice where that label is coming from –most likely not from an authentic place connected with your deepest potential.  more likely, it’s shallow, superficial and only sticks around just because you let it.  so take your life back by redefining how you label yourself.   i’m not lazy.  i’m actually quite efficient with my time and am doing my very best.

meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:

what is one label i’m ready to let go of?

what positive label or thought can i replace it with?

ok, it's time to get real

for a while now, i’ve been flirting with the idea of really fusing my love of yoga more completely with my concept of lifestyle design but didn’t know exactly how to approach it.  i guess i was hesitant to lay it all on the line and then get pigeon-holed into talking about the same stuff over and over. again  in need of some guidance, i reached out to anna, founder of curvy yoga with my question: how important is having a niche to define and build your brand?  to my delight, not only did she respond to my inquiry, but she also offered to talk over the phone to discuss it even further.


credit {here}


anna reassured me that having a niche – in her case, yoga for your body, no matter your size – only helps to expand your presence.  by creating a voice and defining your topic, you become the “expert”, and you can then draw from your experience to further connect with your audience – something i long to do on a grander scale.

with her advice to share more heart-to-hearts, i’ve decided to take the leap and commit to the idea that’s been haunting me (in a good way) for some time: to share my transformation – from a girl who hated her body to a young woman who not only loves but appreciates her being, inside and out (most of the time – we’re all a work-in-progress). 

afraid that things would get too serious and that i wouldn’t have the proper advice to offer, i’ve continually shied away from getting too deep on lifestyle maven.  but, the truth is, the stuff that i didn’t want to talk about is the very stuff that we, as women, need to hear, because when it comes to ourselves, we so easily forget to treat our bodies with kindness.  instead of trusting our bodies' innate wisdom, we ignore it, preferring to harp on the notion that they are too big, too small, not curvy enough or too flabby. somewhere along the line we’ve come to believe that berating and punishing ourselves with our thoughts, actions and with the way we treat food will accomplish something.  but we’re too smart to continue to believe that – we’ve been there and know deep down that hating ourselves will never bring about a truly positive change.  constrained by never-ending diets, general self-loathing or, in the most extreme situations, an eating or body-dysmorphic disorder, we make our lives small – not our bodies.  with the first-hand knowledge that these negative thoughts plague the minds of so many women, no matter their age or dress size, i feel i can no longer deny the need to share, encourage and support through the platform that i’ve developed – my blog.

growing up as a sometimes slightly-overweight, sometimes “normal” weight girl was rough – not because i was teased relentlessly (although i had my fair share of weight-related comments that stung), but because i tortured myself.  i was consumed by my weight and full-heartedly felt that if i could only weigh less, i would be infinitely happier.  somehow i believed that the smaller the size i wore, the more happiness i would be allotted.  but, in case you didn’t guess where this was headed, it doesn’t work like that.  true happiness has no correlation with the circumference of your waist, and no matter what size you are, you can still have “fat days”.

so, what gives?  if you hate yourself when you’re “fat”, and are still at war with your body after you’ve achieved a normal weight or are even thin, then happiness must come from somewhere else.  {light bulb moment.}  just when i had myself convinced that i would have to count calories and forever do exercises i hated just to maintain my weight, yoga came into my life.  i admit, i was initially drawn to the practice because it was a good workout – but it soon turned into something more.  something beautiful.  i found that through the yogic practice of linking movement with breath, i began to experience my body in a new way – caring more about how my body felt, and less about how it looked.  yoga puts you in touch with your intuition – that authentic voice that we override with diets and negative self-talk.  and, the more in-touch i got with my true self, the more i softened my tight grip on what i “should eat” or “shouldn’t eat” or “should do” or “shouldn’t do” in terms of exercise, and the more effortless maintaining my weight – and my happiness – became.

my yoga practice has enabled me to tap into my inner wisdom and consequently bring more mindfulness and awareness into my life as a whole.  when we are conscious of the subtle needs of our being, we are more able to fully embody our authentic selves and move away from our ego – that crazy voice that tells us that we’re fat, unworthy or unlovable.  and, we begin to cultivate a calm mind housed in a healthy body.

i invite you to join me on this journey of self-exploration. i know, without a doubt, that yoga and intuitive living can change your life and begin to release you from the negative thoughts, feelings and self-talk that continue to infiltrate your life.  i know this, because yoga has transformed my life for the better.

om monday: our storyline

in yoga class today, we were encouraged to examine the storyline we craft for ourselves.  you know, the things you say, or think, about yourself.  i'm good at math.  i'm a horrible cook.  i have no patience.  i'm great at tree pose.  i suck at warrior 3. 

credit {here}

 we all craft storylines for ourselves, our lives and our futures.  but what if we stopped self-perpetuating the negative things we've "written" for ourselves?  what if, instead of saying, thinking, feeling that you'll never get a new (and better) job, you focus on the positive of your current position and then delve into what actionable steps you can take toward remedying the situation.  so you move from "victim of your storyline" to "crafter of your destiny".

credit {here}

negative thoughts, words and feelings breed more of the same.  if you're constantly going around focusing on how fat (you think) you are, you're only going to produce more negative thoughts and experiences.  drop your storyline that you're playing on repeat.  and take action.  be curious and approach the situation with fresh eyes...and you may see things clearly for the first time.

so mavens, what story are you ready to re-write?

om monday: wise words

every month, the yoga studio i take classes at picks a living, modern master to study for the month.  in so doing, all the teachers select books to read quotes from, teach from and find inspiration in.  i love that they do this - i've learned so much and been so inspired by the "masters" they've covered.

they've highlighted individuals like mary oliver, the poet, and beryl bender birch, the founder of power yoga in the usa.  i love coming to class, sitting with my eyes closed and absorbing the wise words.

namaste studio @ the solebury club.  credit {here}

last month, they chose pema chodron, a buddhist monk, prolific author and enlightened guru.  her words are awe-inspiring.  and the simple truths she points out make you rethink how you look at the world & life's experiences.

so, without further ado...pema chodron...

"…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back.  they teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away.  they’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck.  this very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are."   

yoga @ the solebury club.  credit {here}

"the most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves."   

"welcome the present moment as if you had invited it.  it is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggling against it. we might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy."

so, mavens...what do you think of pema?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

a maven revelation

do you know why we’re tired and stressed all the time?  because we’re all desperately trying to live according to externally imposed standards and ideals.  we’re instructed to work 9-5, told to eat this, not that and that we should want to make a ton of money or be super skinny (i mean really, who decided a size 2 was the perfect size for all women?).  we’re suppressed by the latest diet, the newest gadget that we need to have and the latest health study, but we rarely look inward for the answers.  (and the answers are there, believe me.  if you’re quiet enough and patient enough to listen.) 

deep down we all know there’s a better way.  a way without diets or rules or “should wants” or “should haves” or “should dos”.  we know that there’s an innate wisdom that can guide us closer to our best selves. 

evaluate your health and happiness.  are you becoming your optimal self, or just morphing into somebody else’s version of what you should be?  do you feel effortlessly fabulous and in sync with your needs?  think about it.  what do you really want for yourself?  what makes sense and feels good for you (and no one else)?  don’t worry about what other people might think or say (that’s just wasted energy).  be a little selfish (it’s ok once in a while), and think about what works best for you.

so, what can you do today to get closer to your inner maven?  the girl who doesn’t give a damn that she’s “not supposed to” eat dessert because it’s “bad” for her.  the girl who speaks her mind and follows her heart.  the girl whose vivacity and courage to be herself is completely contagious.  acknowledge her.  it’s as simple as that.

i’ll start it off to get the ball rolling : ) 

i’m a maven because i make it a priority in my life to do things i love (i.e. practicing yoga, cooking, going to happy hour : )

so, girl, what makes you a maven?

wise words

i've happened upon a lot of fabulous blogs lately that offer such powerful messages to women about self-acceptance.  i feel that, across the board, self-acceptance is something we all deal with at some point in our lives.  too often it feels like we're meant to "fight" against ourselves and our bodies to achieve perfection.  but true joy is in the act of letting go.  letting go of the idea of perfection.  letting go of negative self-talk.  when you release all the negativity, you create space in your life for beauty...true beauty.  the kind that shines from the inside out.

credit {here}

here are some of the lovely ladies whose words inspire me...

mastin @ the daily love
kerri @ your wishcake
ashlee @ where my heart resides


so, girls, whose words inspire you to live better?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7